he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
