He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
