The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
