Having a random hookup so left but love u
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
