Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
