So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
