when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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