dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
