There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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