There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
