Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
