Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
