Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Found the puke drawer
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
