how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
