weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
