My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She told me I should be a condom model.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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