I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
