Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
