OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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