Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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