Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
