are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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