Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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