it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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