I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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