The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I didn't notice because vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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