Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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