Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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