I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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