After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
