I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
