I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
