OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
