Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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