u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
