I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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