I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
