I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
