How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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