you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
