woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
