I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
