I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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