So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
