the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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