U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
