she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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