He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
