I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
