I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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