you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
