I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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