I hate all girls vehemently.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
