I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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