So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
