It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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