dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
