Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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