Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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