It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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