sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
