it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
