i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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