I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
