My first STD was from a foam party
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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