Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
