I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
