it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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