I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
