i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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