I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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