Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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